Wednesday, 12 June 2013

my womb is a traitor

Its about to get real menstrual up in here. You've been warned.

Its science time.

By the time you reach 30 a woman has already lost half of her baby making eggs. During their monthly leap to freedom they are sacrificing them to the cause of the reproductive cycle, they are committing tiny suicides that in the end leave you without the ability to create life. But when you're 22, you not only have a significant number of eggs but they are at their most fertile. Those eggs are champions, brilliant eggs that know how to trap a sperm and make a healthy beautiful baby.

Fucking bitches.

Because this is where biology just becomes vicious, because you are at your baby making prime between the ages of 21 and 24, your body wants you to have babies. You are three times more likely to get pregnant at this time in your life than you are at any other time but thats not just because your eggs are all perfect its because your brain and our body are working together to trick you into getting pregnant. The hormones that are circuiting your body at full power are telling you to have a baby. You are more likely to forget to take your pill when in this state and less likely to have an abortion; for three years your uterus is Pro Life.

I want a baby.

But of course I don't want a baby, they need stuff and they have different opinions on how much gin I should drink than I do. I am still afraid of the fucking dark, how the shit am I supposed to bring up a child? With a kid, there is a human in the world that completely and unequivocally relies upon you - I killed 3 separate Tamigochis  in my time not to mention the goldfish. Holy shit should I not be given a kid. But I want one really bad. My entire body is screaming at me to get fermenting, it doesn't care what kind of baby. It doesn't care how little money I have or the fact that I live with two other people neither of which would be the other parent to it's child. It just really wants a baby.

This whole feeling comes to a ridiculous conclusion when I see handsome men holding babies. Its both sexy and hormonal at the same time. It feels like my ovaries are crying.

Have I mentioned before that being a woman is fucking incredible?

I don't actually have a conclusion or witty response to the ridiculousness that is the female body other than these pictures of various handsome men holding babies.

Never EVER Google 'handsome man holding baby', its not worth your time or tears. 


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