Body Issues (Originally published Feb 18th 2012)

This isn’t where I tell you I’m secretly body dismorphic, this is something I’ve wanted to write since I started this blog but I’ve had to keep a list in my head for ages becuase I make it a point to never actively decide the things I don’t like about my body. For example when I was 14, I fucking hated my boobs. I have been in a bra since I was 11 and wore a training bra for too long before that and I hated that, starting puberty before everyone else destroyed me. But now I love my boobs, they are proper blousey brilliant fun bags. They are big but so am I and so they suit me perfectly. I do remember the days of being a 34C though, easier times.

But on with the show this is a comprehensive but not entire list of my bodily flaws. YAY.

Ezthma. I have it on all my arms, the inside of my thighs and the back of my legs. It’s not too bad, for example I used to work with a woman who had psoriasis and that was horrible really drastic. I just have to moisturise constantly.

Curves. I get told regularly that people wish they had my ‘curves’, (1) I hate that word, it’s usually labelled upon actresses who have decided to eat some pasta. (2) you don’t. My body is ridiculously hard to dress and it has taken quite a lot of my 21 years to work a system. I have to constantly take my measurements and be entirely honest with myself about my dress size becuase otherwise things go terribly wrong. The extremeity in the difference between my bust, waist and hip size makes me a different size in every area of my body. I’ve decided recently to start having my clothes altered because there is absolutely no way that I could properly fit my clothes otherwise.

Teeth. Naturally yellow, nothing I can do about it and utterly ridiculous. I also have a small hole in the front of one of my bottom teeth. Also, none of them a straight despite 6 years of braces.

Double chin. Probably the price I have to pay for my boobs and a price I’ll willingly pay its just not overly flattering.

I’ll probably think of more but I’m not going to do a Joan from Mad Men ('get naked put a bag over your head with two eye holes cut out, and take a look in the mirror') this could only lead to trouble. I don’t advise looking for flaws as it gets addictive and can wear you out. Now I’m going to watch more Spooks. 

Nunight.