Friday, 18 January 2013

Was anybody aware of Patsy Kensit's crippling obesity? No? Anyone?

We haven't seen righteous me in a while have we? At least one post was positive and optimistic and I think thats quite enough. Mainly because today I saw the new Weight Watchers advert. Where they have replaced one woman who doesn't need to lose weight (Alesha Dixon) for another. This era is the era of Patsy Kensit, you know; ex model, married a couple of rockstars, father was a gangster? I KNOW, she's just like you! She is totally like every woman, because all the women doing Weightwatchers are being paid £100,00 to do so right? There is no way that an already quite thin woman has been paid to 'do' something that other's have to pay £240 a year to do, is there? 

Let's just get on with the main reason I have a problem with this advert, as I have expressed my distaste for the institution before and do not wish to bore you. 

'I got my confidence back.' 

THAT is the reason I feel like I'm going to sick rage all over you, because at the end of everything when we are all being very honest with ourselves; if you need to lose weight to feel confident - your weight is not the problem. When women say 'I just feel like me again' or as she does in the ad 'I got my sparkle back' (EUGH) it stinks of looking for a reason to have lost weight other than YOU WANTED TO LOSE WEIGHT. Why aren't these women just allowed to want to look different? If one day you look in the mirror and think, I'd like to look a bit thinner, then go for it but I'm telling you now that if you think it's going to solve a long term self esteem issue you're wrong. Thats how eating disorders work. 

A lot of people think that I hate thin people and the more I deny that the more it sounds like I really really do. Sometimes it feels a lot like everyone thinks I'm racist or I've been accused of being homophobic because the only thing I can say with catagorical proof is 'I'm friends with loads of thin people.' Its the classic bigot line. I sound like I'm thinnist. I'm not, promise. There is a place in this world for any person to look like they want, or look like they do. You can be thin on top and big on the bottom, you can be very petite but have huge boobs and be the subject of every male's fantasy, you can be a sphere and you can be stick thin. You can be whatever you want to be, have to be or are. No one cares as much as you think they do. 

Except for me, evidently. 

Weight Watchers, along with Microsoft and Micheal Gove, is the route of all evil and as far as I'm concerned can go to hell but when they are making £240 out of the hundreds of thousands of british women who use their system a year and do you know what they are essentially charging you for? Maths. Specifically, this maths

\text{PointsPlus} =  \max \left\{ \mathrm{round} \left( \frac{(16 \cdot \text{protein}) + (19 \cdot \text{carbohydrates}) + (45 \cdot \text{fat}) - (14 \cdot \text{fiber})}{175}\right) , 0 \right\}
ProPoints = \max \left\{ \mathrm{round} \left( \frac{protein}{10.9375} + \frac{carbohydrates}{9.2105} + \frac{fat}{3.8889} + \frac{fiber}{35} \right) , 0 \right\}

You can give me a cupcake (ironically) and I will do this maths for you. Providing you have stolen that cupcake, it will cost you nothing. They are charging community centres full of women up and down the UK and the US so that they can do this Maths (or Math). 

Look how you want to look, do it safely, don't give anybody any money for the privilege. Is my point. 


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